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Jules Winnfield
04.28.2006 761742123327

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee."


One of the difficulties I have come across in running this site is that sometimes I come across a badass who is so unassailably, unquestionably fucking tough that it's damn near impossible for me to come up with anything new or original to say about him (or her) that either hasn't already been done or isn't completely fucking obvious.  Cash was one of those guys.  Samuel L. Jackson's character in Pulp Fiction is another.

If there has ever been a more quotable movie hardass than Jules Winnfield, then I don't know about it.  Sure Ash has some good lines, but when it comes to serious, no bullshit, fuck-with-me-and-I'll-put-a-motherfucking-bullet-in-your-head stone-cold killer lines, Jules Winnfield is king.  He's the quintessential hatchetman, the ultimate badass and a sharp dresser to boot.  I could probably just fill this entire article up with Jules lines and make a perfectly good case for his über-badassitudeness.  He's just that well-spoken.  He's also a mushroom-cloud laying motherfucker, motherfucker.

Nobody but Samuel L. Jackson could have pulled off a foul-mouthed tough-as-shit hitman with as much class and badassitude.  It just wouldn't have worked.  He exudes awesome through his pores because his body fucking manufactures that shit the same way normal humans produce red blood cells or sweat.  On top of the fact that nobody delivers the time-honored word "motherfucker" better than Jackson, you only have to take one look at Jules to know that he would put a bullet in your brain and not only not even think twice about it, but probably also tell all his friends about how he made you piss yourself right before he waxed you.  He's also the kind of guy who is so fucking cool that you could make an entire movie out of just him walking down the street in slow motion while awesome music plays in the background and it would be one of the greatest movies of all time.

The scene where he interrogates that douchebag Brett is probably one of the greatest displays of badassery in cinema history.  Nobody but Jules could successfully intimidate the shit out of someone simply by eating a cheeseburger and quoting The Bible.  That's fucking SKILL right there.  Shit, he freaks that one punk out so bad that he completely misses with six shots at point blank range.

Just in case anyone ever has any doubts, his fucking wallet also has "Bad Mother Fucker" written right on it in huge retro-style bold lettering.  That's not the sort of thing that you carry around with you if you're not completely prepared to back it up by wrecking someone's shit with nine millimeters of juicy hot lead at any given moment or pummeling some fools into submission with your bare hands simply for looking at you funny.  And it sure as shit qualifies you to fucking KICK THE ASS of some snakes on a plane.

Towards the end of the film, Jules decides that he's going to give up the "professional asskicker" job to walk the Earth and have adventures.  While this type of general aimless meandering is usually reserved for aging washed-up California ex-hippie stoners, Jules strikes me as being one of the few people who could probably just walk around being awesome and kicking peoples' asses, sort of like Lone Wolf and Cub or some shit, just going from place to place saving villages from massacre and being a total hardass.  He's awesome.

 


"ENGLISH, motherfucker!
DO-YOU-SPEAK-IT?"


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Tags: 20th century | African-American | Fictional | Mercenary | Outlaw | United States

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