The Badass of the Week.

Susan Kuhnhausen

Being an Operating Room nurse is a tough job.  Susan Kuhnhausen knows this all too well; she's been doing it for thirty years.  Patients get rowdy, the environment is hectic and relentless, and the pay is sub-par.  So you can imagine her dismay when she returned home after a long hard day at the office, shut off her house's burglar alarm, and turned around to find this Hugh Glass-looking motherfucker lurking in her kitchen:

As if it weren't bad enough that this unkempt lunatic were merely inside her home, two seconds after she noticed him he ran up and cracked her in the head with a motherfucking claw hammer.

Now this is where the story would have ended for most of us.  You see, this guy, Ed Haffey, was a hit man hired by Susan's estranged husband to bash her fucking skull in with a hammer until she stopped breathing.  Well Susan's a tough broad.  She wasn't going to go down that easily.

Susan Kuhnhausen decided it was time to show this redneck motherfucker what badassery was all about.  She grappled with him, bit him, and wrestled the hammer away from him.  Unfortunately, before she could get a chance to return the blunt force trauma favor for him and teach him what "Hammer Time" was all about, he started punching and biting her and managed to knock the weapon out of her grasp.  With both of them now unarmed, Susan decided it was time to settle this the old-fashioned way.  They wrestled, continued punching each other, and both went to the ground.  After a fierce Ultimate Fighting Championship-esque struggle on the floor of her kitchen she managed to slap a Ric Flair-style choke hold on this stupid bastard and choke the holy living shit out of him.  Susan then calmly walked out of her house and has a neighbor call 911 to report a death by strangulation.  According to the CNN story, "...the neighbor said Kuhnhausen wasn't too shaken up when she fled to her house.  'You didn't need to calm her,' [neighbor Ann] Warnock said.  'She's an emergency room nurse. She's used to dealing with crisis. She was very clear thinking and took care of the problem.'"

Yeah, no shit.  That's fucking hardcore.  This has to go down as one of the most badass feats of home defense I've ever heard of.  Susan Kuhnhausen wasn't fucking around with this guy;  she knew it was a life-or-death situation and had the strength, willpower and presence of mind to ensure that she would be the one who walked away from the encounter.  It must take serious cojones to strangle someone to death, but when it comes down to either you or him, a true badass understands what they must do.

"Anybody that could be the type of nurse she has been for so long says a lot about her compassion and love," [neighbor Deanna Hall] said.  "But she knows when to put her foot down.  And, she doesn't take crap from anybody."


Multiple versions of the story can be found here

The Yahoo! News version

Oregon news details the entire murder plot


The Complete List

About the Author

Miscellaneous Articles