The Badass of the Week.

Lu Bu


Lu Bu was the "invincible warrior" from the Three Kingdoms period of Ancient China, and one of the most feared and powerful warriors in the history of the world.  Renowned and infamous throughout all of China, the mere mention of his name was enough to send chills down the spine of even the most veteran warriors and cause small children and college freshmen to weep gently into their pillows at night.  Lu Bu was by all accounts a massive man, possessing immense strength, mastery of archery and horsemanship and incomparable hand-to-hand fighting prowess.  So it's pretty safe to say that he was like the Amazing Ben of the Three Kingdoms period.

Lu Bu was adopted into a noble family where he proved his worth on the battlefield, but once the powerful warlord Dong Zhou offered him Red Hare, the fastest horse in all of China, Lu Bu flipped out, chopped off his adopted fathers head and allowed himself to be adopted by Dong Zhou.  He hung out with the Donger for a while, killing people, eating cheeseburgers and maintaining a tyrannical hold over much of Imperial China, until one day he decided that he wanted to get it on with Dong Zhou's maid, some hot chick named Diao Chan.  Dong Zhou found out about this and was like, "dude, WTF?". Being the treacherous bastard that he was, Lu Bu just killed the shit out of Dong Zhou with his battle cry of, "OMG Owned".  Instead of taking over the rule of China, Lu Bu just got together a big army and started wandering around China killing everyone who looked at him funny.  Sadly however, he ended up being one of the first recorded cases of "drunk shaming", when he got really loaded, passed out and then got tied up by his own men while he was sleeping.  They were sick of him being such a jackoff to everyone, and turned him over to a rival general named Cao Cao.  When Lu Bu woke up, he was totally pissed.  He offered to join Cao Cao and beat the shit out of his own men (and everyone else in China), but Cao Cao wasn't buying it and he had Lu Bu strangled to death.

Lu Bu was a sad case of a super badass who got totally jobbed in death.  Until he got totally worked over by his own men though, he was the strongest, fastest and most invincible warrior in Chinese history, and more than deserving of a place in the Hall of Badassitude.


Urban Reference definition of "Lu Bu'd"







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