Segata Sanshiro
One of the most rewarding aspects of running this site is when random people email me information about badass motherfuckers I've never heard of before. One such badass is Segata Sanshiro, a Judo master who dedicated his life to honing his body and mind through the disciplines of martial arts and x-treme ballz-out video gaming.
Now the Sega Saturn never made much of a splash here in the States, but it found quite a following in Japan, a fact that is largely attributed to the Segata Sanshiro advertising campaign which ran from 1997 through 1998. From what I've read, his name apparently sounds like "Sega Saturn Shiro!", where "shiro" in Japanese is the imperative form of the verb "to play". But who cares. The point is that this guy lived in the mountains of Japan training eight hours a day on an oversized Sega Saturn, coming down to civilization every so often to beat the holy living crap out of people who weren't playing SEGA video games. He was an unstoppable enforcer of video game justice.
But before you go accusing me of "selling out to the man" and asking me what can possibly be badassed about an out-dated corporate mascot, you must first watch the Segata Sanshiro compilation video.
If you can watch that video and tell me it's not awesome, I'll tell you you're a liar. In addition to the clip of him flipping a guy for real and then the dude exploding into a giant mushroom cloud, a quick YouTube Search for him turns up commercials of him training in the mountains, stopping a nuclear warhead with his bare hands, coaching the Japanesenational soccer team, beating the shit out of some kids who stupidly go off to play baseball instead of Sega, and breaking into a disco for the sole purpose of flipping out like a ninja for no reason at all. He fights zombies, gets busy with hot Asian babes and kicks a baseball 400+ feet through the air. He's awesome.
He also has an insane theme song, which gives him numerous badass points merely on principle alone. Somebody over at Sanshiro's Wikipedia entry translated the lyrics as such:
The solitary man who devoted his soul to the way of games
Today, he comes again
He will punish those who do not play seriously
Their battered bodies will never forget![chorus] Segata Sanshiro, Segata Sanshiro! Sega Saturn... shiro!
They play tennis, sing karaoke, flirt around in clubs...
Are there not more serious tasks to be done?
Those who do not play maturely
He questions them deep inside their heartsSegata Sanshiro, Segata Sanshiro! Sega Saturn... shiro!
(voice of Segata)
Youngsters... is there something in your life you are completely devoted to? Something you sink into so deep you put your life on the line? You must play Sega Saturn! Play... until your fingers break! Until your fingers break!Even if they chase after sex, that petty pleasure
Their soul will remain hollow
Those who do not immerse themselves to the extreme in gaming
Will find their bodies beaten harshly!Segata Sanshiro, Segata Sanshiro! Sega Saturn... shiro!
The white clouds floating on the great blue sky
And the boiling red bloodshed in fierce gaming
Those who give up halfway through
Their battered bodies will never forget!Segata Sanshiro, Segata Sanshiro! Sega Saturn... shiro!
Segata Sanshiro, Segata Sanshiro! Sega Saturn... shiro!
Only true badasses have theme songs detailing how badly they could kick your ass. He questions you deep inside your heart! You will find your body beaten harshly!