Dan Daly

I know I've quoted this before, but it seems to be one of those universal constants that remains true in all circumstances:  God has a hard-on for Marines, because they kill everything they see.  Marines are the motherfuckers we send in when shit needs to be taken care of, and if you were to say that the USMC was one of the most badassed military organizations of all time I don't think you've have too many people try to debate the subject with you.  It's pretty much understood that when jackasses need to get their shit fucked up, the Marines are the President's first phone call.

Among the United States Marine Corps, Sergeant Daniel Daly is something of a legend.  Now that's saying something in and of itself, considering some of the men and women who have served the Corps during the years.  The 5'6", 135lb soldier was fearless, tough, and well respected among officers and enlisted men alike.  The man epitomized what it means to be a Marine.

In January of 1899 the United States and Spain went to war over Cuba.  Well Dan Daly heard about all the asskickings Teddy Roosevelt and his men were laying all over the place, so he decided to enlist in the Marine Corps and try to get in on the action.  Unfortunately by the time his drill instructors were done whipping him into shape old-school-style at boot camp on Parris Island, the war was already over.

When Private Daly got out of Basic he was assigned to the Asiatic Fleet, which was trolling around the Far East eating sushi and drinking some fine-ass saki.  Well around this time shit was getting pretty whack in China, as the Qing Dynasty was in the early stages of the Boxer Rebellion.  While it would be awesome if the Boxer Rebellion was a bunch of guys like Muhammad Ali running around beating the shit out of everyone, it was really just an uprising by the Chinese peasantry against foreign influence in their country.  Since these Boxers were getting a little bit more violent every day, the U.S. decided to send in some Marines to make sure their diplomatic legation was safe.  Dan Daly's Marines were deployed.

Well no sooner did the Marines show up then they found a small contingent of German soldiers camped outside the American embassy in Beijing.  The Corpsmen were like, "fuck this", and assaulted the German positions, pushing the Krauts the fuck out of there.  Since the defensive positions surrounding the legation were badly damaged, the rest of the Marines headed off to gather reinforcements and supplies to rebuild the fortifications around the embassy.  Private Daly volunteered to stay back and hold the fort while they were gone.

That night, shit hit the fan.  Dan was just hanging out, smoking a cigarette, when all of a sudden a huge force of Chinese Boxers started bull-rushing the American Embassy with torches, rifles, and various other weaponry raised above their heads, screaming like madmen.  They had come to destroy the consulate, and Daly was the only man between this rampaging horde and the diplomatic legation.  In the face of this seemingly unending onslaught, Dan Daly knew it was time to be a Marine.  He jammed an ammunition belt into his squad machine gun, took a deep breath, and squeezed the trigger.

The next morning, the rest of Private Daly's squad arrived at the barricade Daly had been charged with defending.  Through the smoke and the carnage, they saw Dan Daly sitting on the fortifications puffing a smoke, surrounded by the bodies of 200 slain Boxers.  For his actions in single-handedly defending the legation in the face of impossible odds, Private Daly received the Congressional Medal of Honor.

But his job wasn't finished yet.  In 1914 Daly was transferred to Haiti during the American occupation of that country.  It was here that he would distinguish himself in combat once again.

Daly, who was now a Gunnery Sergeant at this point, was part of a platoon that had been sent out on a reconnaissance patrol deep into the Haitian countryside.  One day, as they were fording a small river, the Marines found themselves in the middle of a deadly ambush.  400 Haitian Cacos rebels poured fire into the 35-man platoon from three sides of the river, tearing into the U.S. troops.  The Marines fought hard and managed to push their way across the river, where they set up defensive positions and tried to fight off their attackers.  Unfortunately, the platoon's heavy machine gun had fallen in the initial pandemonium and was now resting peacefully at the bottom of the river.  Things looked pretty bleak for the heavily-outnumbered Marines.

Then Sergeant Daly stepped up.  He made his way out from the American positions in the middle of the night, jumped into the river, pulled the machine gun up, strapped it to his back and snuck back to join his platoon.  The following morning, the now-heavily-armed Marines split into three fire teams and swept through the jungle, tearing the Cacos new assholes all over the place.  When all was said and done, the rebel units were completely annihilated and Sergeant Daly earned his SECOND Congressional Medal of Honor.

After Haiti, Daly served fleet duty aboard the USS Newark, Panther, Cleveland, Marietta, Mississippi, Ohio, and Machias, saw combat in Cuba, Mexico, Puerto Rico and Panama, and served on Marine bases in eight different U.S. cities.  The man got around, because when you're as badass as Dan Daly was you're usually in pretty high demand.

In 1917 the United States once again needed the help of Sergeant Daly.  Around this time France and Germany were in the middle of the biggest and deadliest war the planet had ever seen, and the U.S. decided to send in the Marines to help kick some ass in "The Great War", as it was now being called.  Well Daly sure as shit wasn't going to miss out on an opportunity to fight in a World War, so he shipped out at age 44 for some more adventures.  He fought in several campaigns with the American Expeditionary Force in France, and won combat medals three more times - once when he crawled out under heavy enemy fire and rescued a half-dozen wounded Marines who were pinned down, once when he single-handedly captured 13 German soldiers, and once when he took out a heavily-fortified German machine gun nest all by himself using nothing more than a handful of grenades and a Colt .45 Automatic.  He was also wounded three times, but yeah right like that could slow him down.