Arthur Du Mosch

Picture this: You're at home. In bed. Sleeping. Your wife is next to you, your young daughter is next to her (she had a scary dream earlier in the night and wanted to sleep in bed with you guys) and your little kitty is nestled under her arm. Everything's peaceful.

Then all of a sudden you hear the huge crash of breaking glass all around you, followed quickly by a heavy thud and the sound of rapid breathing.

You sit up quickly and glance around the darkened room, desperately trying to figure out what the fuck is going on.

You come face-to-face with this:

A really pissed off leopard has just motherfucking come busting in through the bedroom window like Snake Eyes the goddamned commando ninja and leapt into bed with you and your family, who are all now shrieking hysterically and in imminent danger of becoming a Costco-sized package of Soylent Green flavored Whiskas.

Well, if you're fucking Arthur Du Mosche, you don't do what most normal rational human beings would have done (which is panic, by the way) - you get SUPER FUCKING PISSED and wrestle the damn bloodthirsty feline to the floor before slapping it into a goddamned Figure Four leg lock like you were Ric Flair and Steve Irwin morphed Voltron-style into an unstoppable asskicking machine. According to this story Du Mosche, a 42 year-old Jerusalem man, who at the time of the incident was wearing nothing more than underwear and a t-shirt by the way, wrestled with this thing and pinned it to the floor for twenty minutes while he waited for the animal control folks to show up and haul the motherfucker off to an animal sanctuary.

That's pretty balls-out right there. I mean the dude went from dead-ass asleep to locked in mortal hand-to-paw combat with a hungry predator in the span of about two seconds and still wound up sticking it to the leopard like he was made out of tranquilizer darts. And not only is this guy a badass for showing this wild cat who the real king of the jungle is and almost instinctively fighting off a freaking ninja-style ambush, but I'd argue that it's even more badass that he didn't kill the thing. Not only does it take infinitely more strength and skill to pin an animal to the ground for twenty minutes than it does to just break it's neck or something, but you can't imagine that there are a whole lot of fucking leopards running around downtown Jersualem, so not only is he whipping ass but it's like he's like saving the environment or some shit at the same time. How can you argue with a good honest eco-friendly assbeating?